dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
