look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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