This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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