from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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