Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
They have beer where we have blood.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
