well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
