apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
