im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
