i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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