i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
