I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Help. Why am I so naked?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize