when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
