"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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