best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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