If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
