Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
