Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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