I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We got so high we made milksteak
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
