btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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