I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
