whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
