so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
