she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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