5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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