we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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