i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
