I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
