OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
