i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
