So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
