She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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