look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
