you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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