I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just gift wrapped bread.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
