I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
