I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
