My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
