update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
