TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
