I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
