There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
