seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
how does that bad decision feel?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
