I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
from now on my penis is your penis
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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