When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
