this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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