They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
