he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
