she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
