I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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