Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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