They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
