Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
