I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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