mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Farmville is her only friend.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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