her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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