Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
