she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
