you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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