I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
