Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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