all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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