With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
