Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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