There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
