I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
