6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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