This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
