you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
