Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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