I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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