I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
